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Why Dennis Itumbi is the new Simon Makonde

In primary school, one of the most fascinating stories we were told by our teachers was of Simon Makonde.

The teacher narrated to the attentive pupils that Simon Makonde was born on a Monday. He was named on a Tuesday. He was married on a Wednesday. He was taken ill on a Thursday. He was treated on Friday. He died on Saturday and was buried on Sunday.

A similar story to that of Simon Makonde is that of Dennis Itumbi, the Deputy President William Ruto’s Digital Strategist.

If Ruto gets the presidency, he should consider introducing the Dennis Itumbi story in the priamru school curriculum to replace that of Simon Makonde.

Here is the Dennis Itumbi story.

On Sunday, December 2, 2022, Dennis Itumbi literally decided to break his bones (vunja mifupa).

He was spotted clubbing in a popular executive joint along Kiambu Road, with close friends.

Dennis Itumbi was “Abducted” on Thursday, 23rd December, 2021, and "badly fractured’ by the unnamed police officers.

He was abducted over his constant criticism of the government of the day. His abductors confessed they were police officers.  

In hospital where he was rushed by a Good Samaritan, Dennis Itumbi caught Pneumonia on Saturday morning, December 25, 2021, but he healed momentarily.

Bed-ridden from Friday, 25th December, 2021, to Monday, 27 December, 2021 with bad fractures and on an ICU bed on Monday to Friday mostly waiting for the boss (Ruto) to visit, Itumbi started physiotherapy on Tuesday and the "hammer hit" eye was miraculously healed.

Dennis Itumbi was too critically ill to talk to DCI officers but would be able for a whole day to take selfies with fellow patients and selected friends who paid him a courtesy call.

Discharged on Saturday, December 1, after a successful surgery of the leg bones and hand bones, which miraculously healed after a week, Dennis Itumbi was quick to announce his bid for Gichugu parliamentary seat on discharge.

After discharge, he went partying on Sunday night without crutches, and left the cast and bandages at home.

Dennis Itumbi resulted to walking on crutches when DCI team called him to record a statement.

Surely, he is the new Simon Makonde.


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